My Own Decisions
by Bloodapple123
Summary: After Edward leaves in New Moon, tragedy strikes and an already broken Bella snaps. Will finally making her own decisions open an entirely new path? Eventually Jasper/Bella, Rated M because I can, Beta'd.
1. Holding It In

Currently all stories other than this one are on an unspecified hiatus. I WILL be uploading regularly. HUGE shout out to my Beta Luna Uchiha666 . Check her out!

I don't own Twilight. If I did...Edward wouldn't be such a pansie and Jasper would use his southern accent more;D

Chapter 1

It has been almost six months since the day I was broken. Six months since the one person I had entrusted with my entire soul, being, and life with crushed the very will to live from my limbs.

Six Months.

Such a long time.

Such a short time.

Depending on which side of the fence you were on.

I had had my moments.

The screams woke Charlie at night.

I refused to move back to Renee.

I was utterly alone. To have you're entire world flipped upside down. To learn that entire new species and races existed. To put all of your hope for the future in another's hands and have them leave you behind. It was a cruel blow from Fate.

February 5th-

Waking up was the easiest part of my day. I was always all to happy to leave the nightmares on my pillow to visit with nocturnally. After getting dressed, I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth clean. It's hilarious how there are some parts of me that hang onto him. How I'm always to thorough brushing or washing because I know he has a heightened sense of smell. How I always see his car just out of the corner of my eye and when I turn it's nothing.

Yes. Parts of me still search for him in every breeze that curls into my open window at night. In every patch of ice I fall on my body still reacts as if there will be an icy set of hands to catch me.

However, I am alone.

I am dead.

As melodramatic as I had always assumed that statement was when you quite obviously have air rushing to and fro from your lungs, I had to admit that it fit. The desolation that I felt along with my inability to hold the ragged wound in my chest together was staggering. My will to keep living was gone and the only reason I was still here was because killing myself required feelings I couldn't muster.

_Don't do anything reckless._

Another day of school and I made my way home. Putting together dinner had become a simple affair of trying to convince Charlie that I was okay. He was obviously not an idiot and he knew I was far from being over Edward but he wanted to know I was at least making the effort to try. He had started with lame attempts at shoving me at Jacob Black but the boy's egotistical attitude about everything made my stomach curl with disgust. Charlie quickly gave up.

So now we had fallen into the ritual of Iron Bella vs. Observant Charlie. He seemed to think that if dinner was simple I was having a bad day and he had to do something.

So browsing through the recipe books I had acquired, I tried to settle on a recipe that would convince Charlie I was okay without him thinking I was doing just that. I longed for the days when dinner was just for filling your stomach.

I finally decided that I didn't have the energy required for something called Salmon Strudel and decided I didn't care what Charlie thought. He was getting chicken noodle soup.

As I started my preparations I could feel myself putting on my mask. The slipping of my fragile broken self into what felt like a confident normal teenager. I'd only have to hold it in place until I reached the shower.

No chicken broth. Crap. Today seemed like it was getting worse and worse. Like all of the strings holding me together were slipping from my grasp. I couldn't seem to get my head together.

Slipping on my shoes I grabbed a hoodie from the coat rack and my keys. Charlie wouldn't be home for another hour so I didn't bother with a note.

Firing up my truck I kept my eyes in the front and studiously ignored looking at the passenger's seat. Where _HE _had once sat. If it wasn't for the fact that I needed my truck to get around I would never use it again.

Getting to the grocery store was something I was capable of doing on auto pilot though I tried my best not to allow myself that much time to think. So I meticulously drove safely, concentrating on everything to keep my mind busy.

Going through the aisles of the store I picked up the chicken broth and some parsley which I remembered we were out of. Checking out, I ignored the look of sympathy the cashier was giving me. I knew I looked like crap. No need to drive the point home. Everyone seemed to know I was falling apart. It was like there were seams covering me that everyone but myself was watching slowly come apart. Another week and my stuffing would start to show. I made it home carefully. Just because it was summertime and there wasn't any ice didn't mean there weren't unsafe drivers to be mindful of. At least, that's what I told myself.

When I pulled in, Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway and his headlights were on. Wasn't like him to forget but God knows we're all entitled to our bad days.

I opened the cruiser door and flicked off the switch. Grabbing the grocery bag from my truck I walked up the steps to the front door. Rooting around in my bag I found the key and turned toward the door.

It was open.

Walking in I could feel the heat leaving the house and chilling everything. All of the lights were off.

"Charlie?" I called out his name again as I flipped the hallway light on. The hallway was empty and his gun belt and coat were hanging up.

Walking into the kitchen I laid the groceries on the island and flipped the light over the table on. Turning around, I screamed.

Charlie was splayed out on the table. Blood pooled on the floor underneath him. His stomach was pulled open like some sort of autopsy had happened while I was away.

It was obvious that he was dead. The letters written on the wall behind the table confirmed that.

_Took the liberty of calling your father home. I was thirsty and he smells so much like you. No worries though, I'll be back for you Bells. Love, Victoria_

I didn't feel my knees hit the floor. I didn't hear the whimpers leaving my throat. I knew I should call the police but how did I explain? How could I come up with a story that didn't make me sound like a raving lunatic without the Volturi getting involved?

I had no answers.

I curled into a ball and wept.

I haven't any idea how long I lay there.

1 minute?

1 hour?

A year?

It no longer mattered. Nothing mattered really. Not anymore. Not when my only reason for living was splayed across the table staring at the ceiling with mirror glass eyes.

After a time I could feel myself getting off of the floor. Walking up the stairs. I don't know when I made the decision to pack a bag and leave but it seemed that I was more than willing to let my auto pilot take over as I realized I was going into shock.

I ghosted down the stairs and passed by the kitchen without a glance. I couldn't stand to look at him like that. He wasn't the strong, stubborn man I was used to grilling me about my day.

Like a shadow of myself, I felt my fingers turn the keys in my ignition. My truck rumbled to life as I whispered goodbye to more than my father.

I rolled the windows down as I passed the cafe. Blared the radio as I passed the edge of town.

_**Three hours later:**_

I had absolutely no idea how I had driven all the way to Port Angeles without a thought. Somehow I couldn't bring my mind to care. Warning bells did start to tell me I should take control of myself as I hoisted my bag over my shoulder and walked into the airport. As I stood staring at the woman behind the counter I couldn't understand what I was doing.

Were those my lips forming words? What was I saying? Where was I going?

"I need to know how to go about getting to Volterra, Italy please."

Well. That clears that up.

After all. What better way to kill a vampire than to become one.

As I boarded my plane I felt a smile creep onto my lips.

I hoped Edward was somewhere having a fabulous time with his distractions. He wouldn't have any idea of what was about to rock his world.

A/N This is the end of the first chapter. Let me know what you thought and if I should continue. Got a question? Ask me. I answer them all. Review because it makes the world go 'round.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Readers! Just wanted to give a quick update: I am currently working on the next chapter for this story. However, I need your help! I could do one of two things: Start the next chapter by skipping the flight and just have her already in Volterra or I could write about her flight to Italy as well. What would you guys, as the readers, like to see? I have an idea for both but in the end it's about what the readers want to see so let me know!


End file.
